Monday, September 30, 2013

Minted Review

For the past few years i've been saying i'm going to send out holiday cards, but then I end up getting busy and forget to send them out. However, this year i'm determined to send them out, so i'm getting an early jump start on the process.  I have decided to go with an adorable online stationery shop by the name of Minted.  You can find so many fun paper products on Minted, such as wedding invitations, save the date cards, new baby announcements, birthday invites, and so much more!

The hardest part has been deciding on a design because I truly love them all.  You are sure to find a design that you love, as there are pages and pages of amazing designs to look through.  Another thing I found neat about Minted, is that it is powered by thousands of independent designers.  If you don't care for one designer's style, you are sure to love another.

Love this one! 

I'm really leaning towards the photo Christmas card, if (and this is a big if), we can get our five little darlings to cooperate long enough to get a picture that doesn't include closed eyes, crying, or nose picking.

For those of you who prefer non photo holiday cards, they also have traditional cards that are very lovely.

I absolutely adore this one! 

They even have holiday postcards! 
I love this idea!  

Check one thing off your holiday to do list by visiting Minted and ordering your cards today! 

*I was not compensated for this review but I did receive Minted credit in exchange for my review. All opinions are my own. 

Friday, September 27, 2013

That one time when I tried to breastfeed the dog

I know I keep repeating myself like a toddler these days..."Hey mom, you know what?  Hey mom, you know what?" Yeah, like that.  But seriously, my life feels like a cheesy horror flick and i'm the main character that just wont die off (but without the bonus of having oversized, perky breasts).  So once again, I find myself apologizing for not being around much to blog.

I'm exhausted.  I mean   I've been going to bed earlier than I ever have in my life thanks to Olive waking me up at the butt crack of dawn, but i'm still dog ass tired in the morning.  And I even look and probably smell like a dog too because I can't even remember the last time I washed my hair, shaved my legs (or other parts), or put on make up, or wore clothes that didn't have remnants of last night's dinner.  Yep, i'm a sexy bitch all right.

I'm so exhausted that the other day I was sitting on the couch like a zombie, when Olive jumped up on the couch next to me. I instinctively lifted up my shirt to offer her boobs (habit from breastfeeding Peanut for so dang long).  She looked at me all confused and for a split second I was thinking, "Sweet, maybe she's finally ready to wean" and that's when it hit me that I was trying to breastfeed my dog.  That's gotta be cuttin it dangerously close to rock bottom, you think?

Is this chick serious?
*Pic borrowed from Google

On Wednesday (known as my hell day because Weds are half days in our district and they are crazy), I made it to the evening where the only thing I had left to do was take Bo's to soccer practice. Okay, I could handle that, so I thought.  I got her ready to go which is always a nightmare because she's super slow to do anything and therefore she's perpetually late to everything (like my husband).  We made it to the school and found her team (which happened to be playing in the far field so by the time I made it there I sounded like an 80 year old with emphysema because i'm fat and out of shape).

I noticed right away that all of the girls were dressed in their game jerseys, black shorts, hair pulled back, etc. My daughter was wearing a pink tank top with an ice cream cone on it.  I walked up to another parent and asked, "Do they have team pictures or something?"  He looked at me like I was a moron and said, "Um, no, they have a game."  And it started in 15 min! Awesome!  So, I ran back across the field towards my minivan and I called my husband to tell him they had a game (while I was attempting to run). I was panting heavily because I don't run, not even if you hold out a giant tray of donuts to tempt me (well, okay, maybe I would run for donuts).  He automatically assumed I had gotten mugged.  Out of breath wife, apparently means muggage.  I drove home, dug through the dirty laundry for the game jersey, got back into my van and raced back to the game.  Luckily I got there in time but I was sweating like a pig and completely out of breath.  I threw my mother f#@king fold out chair on the ground (while it was still in the bag) to catch my breath and it landed on my foot, nearly slicing off a toe.  I had to act tough while inside I was screaming, "Son of a f#@king monkey loving b$#ch!!!!!"

I'm not sure how this weekend could possibly top the week I had, but i'm already on a roll. I got woken up at 5 am by Olive trying to chew my hair right off my scalp and my period showed up as well. Did I mention we have an extra soccer practice tonight and an 8:30 am game on Saturday?

Thursday, September 19, 2013

We got a puppy

I know I completed vanished off the face of the Earth, but I have a valid excuse.  We got a puppy! Two weeks ago, on a Saturday, the hubby and I drove three hours to Seattle to pick up Olive.  She's a purebred Hungarian Vizsla and pretty stinkin cute, which is good for her, since i'm not too thrilled about getting up with her at 6 am every morning. My life now consists of cleaning up pee and poop, making sure she's not destroying my house or getting into something that could hurt her, feeding her, playing with her, and breaking up wrestling matches with the boys.  Hmmmm, I guess you can say that not much has changed!

I feel terrible that I haven't been keeping up with this blog. It's not that I had so much more extra time last year to post, but I didn't have a dog, and I also wasn't homeschooling a Kindergartener.  I'm realizing that I just can't do it all.  I have five kids.  Sometimes I forget that.  Okay, no I don't, but I compare myself to other bloggers who don't have five kids and I really shouldn't do that.  I'm not saying i'm going to stop writing on Life On Peanut Layne.  Nope, sorry you can't get rid of me that easily. I just need to cut myself a break, while I try to figure out a realistic routine that doesn't involve me having a nervous breakdown where I find myself curled up in a ball on my dog pee stained rug.

Since this is our first dog, I decided to start a dog blog journaling our dog owning experiences.  A dog blog. Nerd alert! Yes, I could just use this blog, but I totally get that not everyone wants to read about my dog.  I have never been a dog person, until we got Olive and now i'm slightly obsessed with her.  Well, okay...I did have a brief moment of regret the other morning when I was running seriously late dropping my daughter off at school and I ran back in my room to grab my jacket and I stepped in a huge, steaming pile of fresh dog poop...and I was barefoot. 

And in case you don't feel like clicking on the link, this is our Olive. 
She's a keeper...even though she poops on my floor. 

Tuesday, September 3, 2013

How much is that doggy in Ohio?

Image found on Google 

Since we are all done having babies and our kids are getting older, we decided that now is the perfect time to get a dog to complete our family.  The kids have always wanted one and I feel a bit of a void because I never had a dog growing up.  I've actually never owned a dog, ever.  We were the crazy cat family growing up.  We typically had 4-5 cats at any given time.  My mom was not a fan of dogs, so we never got one despite my brother and I begging and pleading every year.  Well, okay we owned a puppy for about a week. Seriously.  Someone drove through our neighborhood and literally dropped a puppy off on our driveway and drove away.  He was adorable and my brother and I really wanted to keep him.  My mom briefly considered it, until the puppy chewed through her favorite lamp cord.  He was re-homed by the following day.

We knew we wanted a dog, and after many hours of research, my husband decided on a Vizsla.  These are not common dogs and are not easy to find. I painstakingly started the difficult process of finding us an adorable, female, Vizsla puppy.  Much to my surprise I found a breeder named "Peggy" who had not one, but multiple female Vizsla puppies in Hillsboro, which is a well known suburb of Portland.

I forwarded the ad to my husband who started emailing her right away.  My husband pretty much gave her our life story.  He wanted her to know that we were serious about getting a dog and that we've done our research and would love her and take care of her, etc.  I'm pretty sure the only piece of info he left out in his 10,000 page emails were our blood types. The breeders responses were kind of vague for the amount of info my husband was giving her, but she did say she still had a couple of females available and she sent us pictures.  We fell in love with one pup in particular.  We started picking out names.  The hubby was shopping for doggy supplies on his lunch break.  We started to prepare ourselves for the possibility that we would be bringing her home in a couple of weeks.   

We scheduled a meeting for this Sunday to come to her house to see the puppies.  We were beyond excited.  We had our deposit ready and we were prepared to fill out paperwork.  Our hope was that we would meet her this weekend and then be able to return on the 14th to pick her up.  That was our plan. We just needed her address and we were ready to go. 

On Thursday night after getting the kids in bed I heard my husband yell from the bathroom, "Babe" but not in a "Oh I love you so much, babe" tone. Rather it was the "we've been married way too long" tone.  Yeah, that one.  I rolled my eyes figuring maybe I bought the wrong toilet paper, or I forgot to do something, missed someone's birthday, etc. 

My annoyance quickly turned to shock. This was our conversation: 

Him: BABE, did you NOT think to check which state this lady lives in? 

Me: Huh? What do you mean?

Him: She lives in Ohio.  OHIO.  

Me: What do you mean Ohio.  The ad said HILLSBORO. She lives in Oregon. 

Him: Yeah, Hillsboro, OHIO. 

Me: Oh. 

Him: Closes bathroom door. 

Me: Walks away to sulk. 

I knew my husband needed some time to himself.  He was so excited about meeting the dogs this Sunday that this was a devastating blow.  I was extremely upset and disappointed as well. I had a migraine headache and was out of soda which is my stress reliever.  I got in the car and drove to McDonald's to get my dollar soda. 

I get a text from the husband.  "Get me a hot fudge sundae"  Then a few minutes later I get another text. "And a Vizsla".  

By the time I got home, things were a little better.  We began to joke about the situation because really, what else can you do? 

This is how we get over the bad stuff: 

Him: The worst part about all of this is not getting to email with Peggy again. I'm going to miss the old lady. 

Me: She's probably working on a restraining order right now.  

Him: Every time she hears about Portland, she's going to think of us. And think we're nuts.  Maybe she thought we were really rich and that's how we were able to travel from OR to OH to get a dog.  I did tell her you were a writer.  Perhaps she thinks you're a sexy writer. 

That was it.  I lost it. I began to laugh so hysterically that a piece of tortilla chip became lodged in my esophagus and I even peed my pants a little.   Me, a sexy writer? I'm not sure what that even means, but I can't even type or say that out loud without rupturing an organ from laughing so hard. 

We spent the rest of the evening drooling over pictures of cute little doggies online and joking over our unfortunate mistake.  We learned a valuable lesson that night. If it sounds too good to be true, it probably is.  And if you live in Hillsboro, Ohio and are looking for a Vizsla, then you're in luck!