Wednesday, February 26, 2014

Why some people (me) shouldn't wear make up

I've been feeling a little down in the dumps about my looks lately. I don't take care of myself. I do bathe daily, but other than that, I don't do anything to help myself out in the glamour/fashion department. I wear ugly pajamas that would probably get me arrested for indecent exposure if I wore them out in public (which I don't, except if you count dropping off and picking up kids but I don't get out of the car for that...although I totally should). My hair has gotten crazy long and a bit out of control, yet I do nothing to it except pull it back.  I never wear make up. I guess i've just gotten lazy.  I've gained a lot of weight and have like two pairs of pants that fit and I hate them both, and when you don't feel confident in what you're wearing, you just kinda stop trying or caring. 

Recently I decided to do something nice for myself and ordered some mineral make up. I used to wear it years ago, but ran out and just never ordered more (which is seriously the last time I probably wore any).  Today I needed to run a few errands so I put on my ugly clothes (haven't had a chance to do anything about those yet), put my long, boring hair in a ponytail (shut up), and was ready to walk out of my bathroom when a little voice in my head said, "Maybe you should put on some make up".   

So that's exactly what I did. 

It's a three step process so there is a concealer, the light foundation in the palest color possible (sadly i'm whiter than my toilet paper), and finally the blush.  

I thought that I had put on the foundation and started to reach for the blush to finish off the job, when I glanced at myself in the mirror and freaked the f@$k out. 

I looked like this....
My face was purple. PURPLE!!!!  I looked like Barney or Violet from Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. Somehow Harold had snuck into my bathroom and colored all over my face with his damn purple crayon! 

I was about two seconds away from sitting down on my MacBook to write a super nasty complaint to my Ebay seller about how their foundation turned me into a purple people eater (yes, i'm too cheap to order it from an actual company), when I noticed the words "Sweet Cheeks" on the lid. I had covered my entire face with BLUSH instead of the foundation.  Cause i'm a genius. 

After realizing my blunder, I needed to get the purple off so I started to scrub. I wasn't purple anymore, but I now looked like this....
My face is now a deep shade of maroon from being scrubbed really hard, and I look like I have a fever/flesh eating virus. I'm about to head out to go shopping and i'm feeling super sexy. I may even frighten some small children. I'm so glad I decided to buy some make up to help me build my self confidence back.  Best decision ever. 

3 comments:

  1. LOL! Sounds like something that would happen to me. The good news is, it makes a great blog story!

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  2. I wish I showered daily, but I'm doing good to get in 2-3 a week. I have a 3 year old that demands to get in the shower with me (I'm pregnant with twins so space in there is already quite tight), & a 20 month old that fusses at the door the whole time. Not pleasant, so I just avoid it until I can't stand myself anymore. Sometimes I do a quick spot-clean (you know, pits & crevices) just to feel somewhat accomplished. I wear makeup to church on Sunday morning, & feel like a kid just learning to play in mom's makeup once I see myself in the mirror in the church bathroom. I looked great in my bathroom at home! I was already overweight & lumpy before I got knocked up again, but had lost a little bit of it (not that it helped much with clothing). Now, I just have a more pronounced gut. All that to say, I feel your pain. Now, get you some decent pants, & I hope it builds up your self-esteem enough to begin getting back out of the house!

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  3. This post just had me laughing out loud at work. You are hysterical! And it totally sounds like something I would do. I hear you about the crazy long, no-style hair, and the ill-fitting pants. My sister and I just started a little family biggest loser competition so I can try to fit into my better clothes. And I REALLY need to make an appointment for a haircut. The only thing I do is wear make-up everyday. If I don't, people stop me and ask me if everything is okay. Apparently, I'm not a natural beauty. ;) So, try again, tomorrow. You'll feel better about yourself (as long as you don't look like Barney the Dinosaur, again)!
    Great post!

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