Meetup is the Match.com for Moms. I don't know if it's just me, but every single time without fail, all i've found is duds at these mommy playgroups.
I've narrowed down the 5 most annoying types of moms who seem to circulate the Meetup circuit.
- The Passive Aggressive Mom: We all know this mom. She is the one who uses a super annoying sugary sweet voice in place of her child's because she's too chicken sh@# to say how she really feels. Take this for example, "Wow Connor thank you for sharing your toys. You are such a nice boy. I'm so proud of what a nice boy you are. Don't you share you toys so well? It's too bad other kids don't know how to share. We should teach them how to share". After about 5 minutes of listening to this I find myself wanting to grab a toy out of Connor's hand just to see him cry. Mean? Yes. Sorry Connor but I really want to punch your mom in the face!
- The One Upper Mom: Enter annoying mom type #2. It becomes blatantly obvious after just a few short interactions with this type of mom that they have absolutely no life and desperately want approval and acceptance from other moms. However, they go about it the completely wrong way! Meet the One Upper. She is the mom who has to top every single freaking thing that comes out of your mouth. If your 4 month old has a tooth, her baby has 10. If your child can count to 20, her little darling can count to 100 (in Spanish). Her baby is the cutest, smartest, most brilliant little angel on the planet. There isn't anything this child can't do absolutely perfectly. It doesn't matter if you never actually witness them doing anything other than sitting in a stroller drooling on a toy, because they truly are the brightest, smartest little baby on the entire block. Enough said about this mom. Super annoying.
- The I'm Still Stuck in High School Mom: This one is a no brainer. We all know this type of mom. This is the snobby, stuck up, "I'm too cool to be your friend" type of mom. I cannot tell you how many meet & greet playdates i've gone too, only to get there and discover that not one single mom will give me the time of day. What a waste of a morning that could've been better spent at home in my comfy PJ's, stretched out t-shirt with no bra. Some moms suck. Grow up already!!!!
- The Judgy McJudgerson Mom: First off there is the car seat judger mom. It's okay if you are one of these (I forgive you). It's the attitude that if you don't spend half of your husband's paycheck on a particular name brand carseat for Suzy (who by the way is just going to smash her fruit bar into the strap handles), you are a crappy, no good mom who doesn't give a flip about your child's safety that I have trouble forgiving. Mmm hmmm. And please I don't care what you say, my 110 lb, 5 ft 2 inch tall 12 year old is NOT riding in a rear facing carseat! This type of mom extends way past car seats. This goes for the type of mom who feels the need to judge every little parenting choice you make from what type of food you feed your kid, to what type of diapers your child wears (and don't you dare admit you use those horrible disposable diapers). These are the moms that you have to hide the bottle of formula that's sitting in your diaper bag, or the one you don't want walking by your minivan when the door opens and the McDonald's cups fall out. I could go on and on all day about this judgy Mcjudgerson mom. Yep, yep.
- The Bat Sh*$ Crazy, there is no perfect category for this mom: I have a personal story for this one. A few years ago when I attempted to be a regular member of a local Meetup group (hey I tried), I came across Amber. Amber is a perfect example of the bat sh#$ crazy mom. I RSVP'd yes for one of her baby playgroups. The requirements for this playdate was your child had to be under a year old to attend. My dear husband was supposed to be home that day, but ended up having to leave (I can't remember if he had school or an appointment with a client, but whatever). My daughter who was around 3-4 years old at the time (way past the age acceptance for this playgroup) got really sick. I had to change my RSVP to a "No" the night before the playdate since I had no one to watch my sick, older child so that I could bring my son to this baby playdate. Well this apparently was not okay with Amber and she doesn't just stop there. She sends me a super snarky email that goes something like this, "Please don't bother RSVPing for anymore of my future play dates again as you have taken up a spot and then cancelled at the last minute. I wasted money on snacks for your child (please I ask you how much food was my not quite one year old son REALLY going to eat, lol)". I emailed her back and said, "No problem. I don't really want to come to anymore of your play dates after this. My daughter was sick and I didn't want to bring a sick child around a bunch of babies". You would think that would be the end right? Instead this just fuels the fire and Amber starts sending me these crazy emails about how I constantly RSVP to her groups and back out at the last minute. Um, it only happened once crazy! Apparently she had been gossiping behind my back and I had backed out of a different play date months before (again because of an illness) so that makes me a serial repeat offender in her eyes. Whatever! She tried to go over my head and emailed the owner of the playgroup that "i'm harassing her". I told you this chick was BAT SH$@ CRAZY! Well of course the group owner emails me and since I was smart enough to save all of the ingoing and outgoing emails I happily forwarded them to her so she could see just how bat sh$# crazy Amber really was. The owner agreed with me and was very apologetic about Amber's behavior, but unfortunately all of that drama left a horrible taste in my mouth and I really had no desire to hook up with this group again. Years later out of morbid curiosity I logged onto the group's message board and it looked like Amber was still hosting her cozy little group of "babies" who were now toddlers. Amber apparently had another child and was going through a divorce. That's all I have to say about her :)