*This post was meant for yesterday but since my dear five year old son hogged the computer playing Mario games, I didn't get a chance to post it. Plus I needed to dust the cobwebs off my blog first.
Today was the first day back at school since before the Thanksgiving break and we were late. And I desperately needed gas so I drove to school with my gas light beeping at me and praying that I would make it to the school without running out of gas (especially since I was wearing pajamas and had no bra on). I managed to make it to the gas station but had to take the long way home because I was too chicken to make a daring left hand turn onto a major road. I got stuck behind a school bus that had to stop every 10 feet. Okay it was more than 10 feet but it still was enough to raise my blood pressure.
I got home from hell (I mean the school drop off routine) and fed the boys Totino's Pizza Rolls and hot chocolate for breakfast. Why you might be asking? Because that's secretly what I wanted for breakfast. Stop judging me. Pizza rolls are delicious when dipped in ranch dressing. I almost had to perform the heimlich on myself while eating my delicious pizza rolls because I made the fatal error of opening up some medical bills. Do not open medical bills while eating. It's dangerous!
So after feeding my boys a breakfast fit for champions, the pressure was on to step it up a notch for dinner. This meant my typical dinner of spicy sausage dogs and tater tots wasn't going to fly so i'd have to cook real people food. Don't worry about my boys. Within minutes of eating their breakfast they bundled up and were running around the backyard, screaming like wild maniacs who were just released from the asylum. I'm sure my neighbors were thrilled, but at least they got their exercise, unlike myself who simply added another layer of blubber onto my midsection. I like to think of it as adding an extra layer of winter insulation. Yeah, let's just go with that!
In other important news I got a Depo Provera shot last week so now I have a valid excuse for being a crazy bitch. "It's not my fault, it's the Depo" is my new motto. Oh and I temporarily lost my mind and ordered Peanut a real drum set for his upcoming 3rd birthday.
This is the box it came in.
My husband's response was, "Jesus, what in the hell were you thinking, babe?" What can I say. The Depo made me do it :)
By mid afternoon my eyelids were drooping so badly that I needed toothpicks to hold them up. I decided to go make myself some coffee in hopes that it would wake me up a little. I made the coffee, poured in my favorite creamer, added some caramel syrup (the expensive kind I might add) and took a big drink and immediately spit it right back out. My older son had washed my coffee mug in the dishwasher and all I could taste was Dawn liquid soap. Gross. I've been trying desperately to stop buying expensive mochas but at this point i'm buying a freaking mocha when I go pick up the kids. We watched Home Alone twice, the Grinch, and Jingle All the Way. I just purchased Home Alone 2 on Amazon today for $4.99 because I cannot take watching the first Home Alone one more time without hurting someone. Peanut threw his brother's action figures in the toilet because he was being chased. I had to break out the salad tongs to get them out as the children's toilet makes me barf. Shortly after I discovered that the boys had a brilliant idea to fill up a bunch of their Mega Bloks in their room with water. I had just finished cleaning up the colossal mess when Peanut passed out on the couch just minutes before it was time to leave the house to go pick up the kids. Story of my life.
I need a drink. And a bean burrito. I wonder if there are any Cyber Monday deals on booze?