Friday, November 2, 2012

Secret Subject Swap Post #2

Since I enjoyed the first Secret Subject Swap so much, I decided to give it another shot.  I'm one of 20 brave bloggers (or perhaps crazy is a better word) who created a secret subject for someone else and were assigned a secret subject to interpret in our own style.  Today we are all simultaneously divulging our topics and submitting our posts.

A link to all 20 of the participants in the Secret Subject Swap can be found by visiting Karen (the creator of this awesome swap) at Baking in a Tornado

My secret subject is "The Year the Turkey's Took Thanksgiving Back." by Tracy at http://www.momaical.com/

When I first opened up my email with my subject assignment I totally freaking panicked!  I love Tracy at Momaical more than words can say and think she is a brilliant, talented, blogger.  I don't think she intentionally tried to kill me by creating such a challenging topic, but I quickly found myself curled up in the fetal position sucking my thumb and drooling on myself.  

My next thought was, "I should probably write something really creative and funny.  A fictional story about a turkey riot."  I sat and pondered the idea for a while, but I couldn't think of a single thing.  I'll be honest, fictional writing is completely out of my comfort zone.  When I was in school and had to write something fictional I could wing it, but just the mere thought actually breaks my entire body out into hives.  

I decided to take Tracy's post and spin it in my own way.  No, unfortunately you won't get to read some witty, hilarious story about a plump, out of shape turkey named Hank, who gathers up his fellow turkey friends and leads them into battle against the evil turkey eaters, but I will talk about a couple of my own dysfunctional family Thanksgiving Day memories. 

My earliest memory of Thanksgiving Day dysfunction goes way back to around age 8.  My dad was an avid hunter and many holidays were spent at my grandma's house in the Mt. Hood area.  One year my dad decided to take me on a nature hike.  I think his main motive was to stake out new hunting ground, but whatever the reason I didn't really care, as I was eager to get out of my grandma's house.  Don't get me wrong, I loved my dear granny to pieces, but there is something about sitting on a couch staring at ceramic birdhouses placed strategically on tea stained doilies and creepy cuckoo clocks that leave you scratching at the door to get out.  To make it worse, my grandparents lived out in the middle of nowhere.  The only market nearby was a teeny tiny, family owned and operated store that closed by 7 pm, and my grandparents never had cable.  Let's just say you spent a lot of time staring at walls and wishing you were back home in civilization. 

Anxious to get out of the house of old people, my dad and I trekked deep into the woods.  I'm not exactly sure how long we were gone, but I know it was several hours.  Getting nervous about the time I gently asked my dad "Shouldn't we be heading back now?" My dad who was knee deep in brush and had that crazed, "Just one more minute look" in his eyes replied back, "We haven't been gone that long. We'll head back soon." Clearly my dad must've suffered a brain fart and had temporarily forgotten who he was married too as my mom could be kind of scary when she got mad.  My dad often got in big trouble after hunting and fishing trips where he would lose track of time and come home hours and hours after he was supposed too.  I have many childhood memories of peering out of the kitchen window that faced the road, while my mom frantically paced back and forth crying, saying things like, "Oh my God, what if he's dead? That's it kids, your father is DEAD! He's never coming home!" My brother and I would burst into hysterical sobs, and shortly after my dad would appear through the door, looking like a deer caught in the headlights as he faced the wrath of my irate mother.  It didn't help that my dad would do the typical male "What's wrong?" response, as if it never occurred to him that my mom might be a little disgruntled that he was several hours late coming home and she might be worried.

Anyways, by the time we finally made it back to grandma's house it was pitch black outside and not only had everyone finished Thanksgiving dinner, but the dishes were washed and put away and my mom was in full blown hysterics, as were my grandparents, aunts and uncles.  My mother was convinced that we were lying in a ditch somewhere dead so when she saw that we were unharmed, she  began to shriek at my dad.  Ah, the magic of the holidays.  My grandma had her own way of showing her anger towards my father.  She picked up a framed picture of my dad and laid it face down on the bookshelf.   When this happened, you were in trouble.  Big trouble.  My dad and I went to bed hungry that night, but quite honestly i've never really liked turkey, so in a weird way my dad saved me from having to choke little down pieces of turkey drenched in gravy.  I thank him for that. 

As I grew up my dislike for the whole turkey/Thanksgiving Day holiday continued to blossom.   To be perfectly honest, my husband and I typically skip Thanksgiving.  We have created a new tradition over the years which consists of ordering take out from our favorite Chinese restaurant.  The kids who are avid Chinese food fans love it and look forward to it all year long.  However, every other year my sister in law and her family come to our house for Thanksgiving, so on those years we do the big, traditional, family dinner.   

This leads me to my next Thanksgiving topic.  The Turducken…shudder.  My sister in law insisted on ordering a Turducken last year from the Cajun something or other (I think it's called the Cajun Grocer but don't quote me on that).  She raved about it's turkey deliciousness and promised that we would be beside ourselves in turkey heaven.  I actually had to Google "Turducken" as I had never heard of it.   The images I saw didn't look all that appealing, and I about passed out when I saw the price of one of these suckers, but since I wasn't buying it, I agreed to the Turducken.  My hubby who is much pickier than he thinks he is immediately wrinkled up his nose and said, "That looks like roadkill."   The kids' reactions were even more priceless.  "Mom, what in the hell is that?  Do we really have to eat it?  What is that yucky yellow stuff inside of it?"

For those who are clueless like myself, a Turducken is a de-boned chicken that is stuffed into a de-boned duck, and then stuffed into a turkey. The one we ordered also had some kind of pork sausage/cornbread stuffing mashed into it.  Yeah, a little too much stuffing going on if you ask me.
Thanksgiving finally arrived, as did my sister in law and her family and we thawed out the long awaited Turducken. Everyone got a large spoonful of Turducken to try whether they wanted it or not.  Honestly I think it looked like an autopsy on the table and to be perfectly frank, it tasted just as bad as it looked.  I really hope my sister in law doesn't end up reading this post, as she's one of my best friends, and seriously awesome, and it was very sweet of her to buy our family a Turducken.  Besides, it's highly possible that my family is wrong and that the Turducken is freaking amazing.  Who are we to judge? My kids put ketchup on their cheese quesadillas.  Their food choices are sometimes questionable. 

This year, we will be on our own for Thanksgiving.  As soon as dinner time rolls around, you better believe we'll be placing our order for Chinese take out.  I'm proud to say that no actual turkeys will be harmed at our house.  Unfortunately, I can't say the same for chicken, as we'll be gobbling up that General Tso's chicken like it's 1999. 1999,  don't ya wanna go? Great, now i'll never get that song out of my head. 

21 comments:

  1. What a fun - and yes, scary, Secret Subject prompt! I am glad mine wasn't that hard! :) I like the twist you gave it. Ahhh... The Holidays, and the special weirdness they bring out in our loved ones! :)

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  2. Turducken scares me. Who thought of that???

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  3. Wow. That was a great prompt! And a great response. I've never heard of Turducken. It sounds like a poultry "party" got out of hand. Inappropriate thought? I know. :( I love the fact that your grandma could say so much by flipping over a photo. Priceless. This was such a fun read. Chinese for Thanksgiving sounds fantastic.

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  4. I truly love what you did with this prompt. And if a few brain cells died in the process it was well worth it (well, to me that is...I had a great laugh)!

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  5. LOL!! Your reality is so much better than any fiction!! I can imagine the scene of your mom screaming and your grandmom taking down the photo!!!

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  6. holy crap - you seriously killed this challenge ... I would still be in fetal position not able to approach the computer screen. having grown up in your neck of the woods ... I can attest to the overly pronounce desire by most of the men (and boys) to get out and hunt... for days. What is that about? We always went down to my grandparents for Thanksgiving. While more civilized in Eugene, still the inside of a grandparents house is all the same. Sort of like visiting Chinatown .. it looks the same in NYC, Singapore, Portland, San Francisco (yes I've been to all of them). My grandfather did have a TV, but seriously who wants to watch hours, and hours of football with a green screen? My grandpa was always moving those bunny ears around with my dad shouting the grass isn't green. My dad and grandpa hated each other. As for a Turducken - I've heard of it, but haven't tried it. It just sounds wrong on so many levels. I think I'd rather do Chinese

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  7. LOL!! I love the idea of Chinese for Thanksgiving especially since I am the one slaving in the kitchen for 2 days.... Hmmm... Pepper steak for Thanksgiving? Yes, please!!!!!

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  8. So, I TOTALLY googled what a turducken was and promptly thought "Oh, that chick is nuts!" But maybe that's just me.
    I love what you did with this prompt. It was an awesome blog! I'm making my way through all the blogs in the swap, then I'm going back through and following everyone as I can. You are DEFINITELY one of my new faves!

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  9. OMG....I had to put the computer down I was laughing so hard at your first paragraph. that is great....wiping the tears away.

    Great creativity babe...I love it...what a great post. I don't think I want turkey anymore though, LOL

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  10. I thought you were brilliant! Great job!

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  11. Hahahaha! I love that your husband told everyone it looked like road kill. Love your writing and you did a great job with my topic! Sorry it gave you panic attacks! xoxoxo

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  12. Ewww, I've never heard of Turducken, but I have a policy to never eat anything that has the word turd in it!! Ewww, looks gross too!

    OMG, so not to throw myself under the bus, but your mom sounds a little like me! And your dad, sounds like my fiance, haha! D travels a lot. There was one time when he was in Canada. We spoke on the phone before he went to dinner and he said he'd call me back around 9 or 10. Well, 9 rolled around, then 10 and before I knew it it was 2 am. I was hysterical!! I talked the hotel front desk into going in his room to check if he'd gotten hurt, called the nearby hospitals and then even called the police there. When they told me to wait it out and that he was probably fine, I flipped out and told them that I was going to contact the news and tell them that an American had gone missing and they refused to do anything. It was bad. Then he called me a bit later and told me that he had lost track of time entertaining at dinner and drinks and that he was sorry. (It's pretty much his job to keep customer happy, so I have no doubts on the story)

    Oh looking back, I wonder what came over me, but I can't help it. I worry and then my imagination just runs wild! So now that I've written a book of a comment, lol.... I really enjoyed this post. Awesome job!!

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  13. Tracy at Momaical sure is a trickster. Turducken- ha! Loved it! :)

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  14. I am amazed your father survived that Thanksgiving! Your poor mom...I probably would have killed him as soon as I found out he was alive.

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  15. What a great post so fun to read.

    Im your new follower by the way.

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  16. Loved your spin of reflection on a tricky topic! Your imagery of your dysfunctional Thanksgivings are priceless. Thanks for sharing! PS Turducken?! Yikes.

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  17. Hi! Now following through GFC via the blog hop :)) Feel free to stop by and link up with my NO RULES Weekend Blog Party ~ http://www.lifeasweknowitbypaula.blogspot.com

    Paula

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  18. And you were as awesome as ever!!! Omg I remember the Turducken craze...it's over right? No one does it anymore? RIGHT?!?! I gagged in remembrance! We do the Turkey Trot every year as a family but we aren't big on the whole feast thing either. Great job!

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  19. Very funny! Oh the picture face down that is a good way to show anger very calm and collected!

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  20. I totally enjoyed this post. I'm glad you didn't go with a fictional story.

    How do I get involved in the Saturday Secret Swap? It sounds/looks like a bunch of fun!!

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