Most Mean Musings to my Menacing Menses-An Open Letter
Hey there, I'm Molley from www.amotherlife.com. Today I'm helping our friend Peanut Layne out, She's having some health problems and we have gathered around like a good blogging family does to help her keep things going here... Today I'm writing a letter to my period to discuss the fact that it's not really working out between us....
We've been together now for 33 years, that's along time. That's 12 times a year for 33 years minus the pregnancies of course.........(12x33)-(2x9) is a whole lotta math and I'm not that committed but we have to co-habit this body for a little while longer and I'm starting to get really annoyed. You used to be short and to the point, regular and oh so considerate...... Pain was not part of your repertoire.
These days you're a real bitch, it's like you are deliberately out to get me, you threaten for days then fail to arrive, then when I think you're not coming and begin to rejoice in my next chapter....BAM you are right there loud and proud!
Bringing your heavy artillery with you, ALL your nasty tricks. What is it with you and the donkey punches from inside? Oh and how can that much solid/liquid come out of one small space? Isn't my uterus the size of a grapefruit?
Then you stay, like a bad house guest, way beyond your welcome.....
The King is mighty frustrated too. My constant state of flux is making it difficult with our boudoir action, well his.....my '5-7 days' mantra is making me look like a liar....Not to mention I'm pretty sick of giving blow jobs.
Why are you doing this to me? Is it your last ditch effort to assert your authority before I kick you to the curb and swap tampons and liner for depends? Oh wait... I already have those...
You are no longer my friend. Not that I really consider you one. Just an annoying neighbour perhaps, that wouldn't move away.
This may be hard for you to hear but I'm breaking up with you. I don't need you in my life anymore.....My need for you has ceased. You've worn out your welcome. Sure you helped me get my babies, and I am grateful...but the last one of those was almost 9 years ago. You can't make me have any more, I got that sorted years ago, so consider this your notice.
You are unemployed from this body. Go find someone else to fuck over for 30 odd years....