Friday, January 25, 2013

Most Mean Musings to my Menacing Menses: Guest post by A Mother Life


Most Mean Musings to my Menacing Menses-An Open Letter

Hey there, I'm Molley from www.amotherlife.com. Today I'm helping our friend Peanut Layne out, She's having some health problems and we have gathered around like a good blogging family does to help her keep things going here... Today I'm writing a letter to my period to discuss the fact that it's not really working out between us....


Dear Period,

We've been together now for 33 years, that's along time. That's 12 times a year for 33 years minus the pregnancies of course.........(12x33)-(2x9) is a whole lotta math and I'm not that committed but we have to co-habit this body for a little while longer and I'm starting to get really annoyed. You used to be short and to the point, regular and oh so considerate...... Pain was not part of your repertoire.

These days you're a real bitch, it's like you are deliberately out to get me, you threaten for days then fail to arrive, then when I think you're not coming and begin to rejoice in my next chapter....BAM you are right there loud and proud!

Bringing your heavy artillery with you, ALL your nasty tricks. What is it with you and the donkey punches from inside? Oh and how can that much solid/liquid come out of one small space? Isn't my uterus the size of a grapefruit?

Then you stay, like a bad house guest, way beyond your welcome.....

The King is mighty frustrated too. My constant state of flux is making it difficult with our boudoir action, well his.....my '5-7 days' mantra is making me look like a liar....Not to mention I'm pretty sick of giving blow jobs.

Why are you doing this to me? Is it your last ditch effort to assert your authority before I kick you to the curb and swap tampons and liner for depends? Oh wait... I already have those...

You are no longer my friend. Not that I really consider you one. Just an annoying neighbour perhaps, that wouldn't move away.

This may be hard for you to hear but I'm breaking up with you. I don't need you in my life anymore.....My need for you has ceased. You've worn out your welcome. Sure you helped me get my babies, and I am grateful...but the last one of those was almost 9 years ago. You can't make me have any more, I got that sorted years ago, so consider this your notice.

You are unemployed from this body. Go find someone else to fuck over for 30 odd years....

Thanks

Molley



9 comments:

  1. I'm in the same boat! Especially this month. My youngest is 3 and I got fixed....I think it's time I disown Aunt Flo, but I'm only 30 and she seems intent on sticking around for awhile.

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  2. I wish it were that easy! I remember I was the last one to get Aunt Flo and the girls wondered if I felt "less than". HAHA. Heck no! I wish I didn't have her now.

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  3. One of the (MANY) frustrations of being infertile and having to go through IVF to get pregnant was how unfair it was that I still got to suffer monthly with all those fertile people. I mean, really, give me SOME kind of break.

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  4. Tell me about it!!! I'm ready to let go!!! I'm so done; "goodbye..good riddance.....why are you still here?!!"

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  5. I am praying, PRAYING for menopause.
    There is no reason for me to have this misery every month.

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  6. Oh man ... so true. So the OB tells me that you are in perimenopause (aka irregular periods) and don't know that you've gone through menopause until .... well it's already passed. Say what? You have to actually not have a period for 12 months for you to have gone through the whole thing. So if you go 11 months and then you get a period ... guess what, you start all over again. Way to keep women guessing all the way to the end. Gotta love that.

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  7. OMG..I love it...I feel the same way. I want it to end...we have an only, so I don't need to be fertile anymore...I am so sick her painful ways. Though you are a super nice wife giving bjs...If I have to wait so does he, LOL.

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  8. So it's unanimous, we all want this shit over with :P

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  9. oh my god this was exactly me last month! right down to the false-start and hoping for the end of it all!!

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