Thursday, March 28, 2013

Spring break sucks. I mean it's great.

It's spring break and i'm in a funk.  I've read so many amazingly hilarious, witty posts by fellow bloggers these past few days and I feel like a loser because the most exciting thing I can think to write about at the moment is that my hubby brought home the name brand paper towels instead of the cheap, generic, crappy ones that disintegrate in your hand as soon as they touch liquid.

I'm convinced this rash on my face (it's dermatitis according to the doc) is never going away.  It has recently scabbed up and now I look like I have the herp on my face.  Wait, is the herp even a real thing?  You know, like the clap?  The herp sounds cooler than herpes, and no I don't have herpes.  That would really make this week extra special, wouldn't it?

My one and only favorite pair of poopy pants (AKA sweat pants that have been worn so much that they have a saggy butt and look like I took a dump in them) are dirty and that puts me in an extra grumpy bumpy mood.  I feel like i'm grieving a loss.  I'm wearing my flannel pj pants but they just aren't the same. They lack the warmth and thickness of saggy butt pants.  Oh saggy but pants, please go wash yourself and come back to me! I miss you so damn much!  I miss you almost enough to get off my saggy butt and do laundry.  Almost.

I'm potty training my 3 year old, who suddenly spiked a fever this morning.  Potty training and a fever don't mix.  Although he did take a giant dump in his small, plastic potty chair yesterday so we've had some success.  I have to say that trying to clean up a turd in a potty chair is bullshit. The poo sticks to the little plastic bucket thingy and you're basically forced to get in there and scrub, which makes me wanna puke and then scrub my skin with bleach until I look like a hairless dog on an acid trip.

We have one computer and five kids.  I'll say it again.  One computer, five kids.  This should explain why I haven't been around much.  If you still don't get it, well then i'm sending my kids to go live at your house for a week.

And on that cheerful note, I hear "Mooooom, come wipe my butt" so that's my cue to end this masterpiece of awesomeness.  You're welcome.


  1. She's baaaaaack. Poopy pants-less and sporting the herp on her face, but she's back. I swear I'm laughing with you not at you!

  2. I'm not laughing at you either. Nope!
    Hope the weekend is better.

  3. Hahahahaha ... ok really? Nothing great happening? You just made me laugh like crazy. I knew the second that I Reagan was going to start potty training that I was NOT dealing with the little pottys. Uh-uh! Thankfully Reagan took right to the big toilet because I would have seriously been that parent that any time a mess was made in the small potty I would have just said "F It" and bought a new one!
    Good luck girl!

    (¸¤ Lanaya | xoxo

  4. Two things: 1. When I saw the ecard in my reader, I knew I had to come comment. I ALWAYS call my sister or cousin when I wish I had kids. And then I send them home and chill out on my couch with TV or the internet. Alone. Happily.
    2. I remember being the kid who refused to wipe her butt. I hated it. I was an asshole and I didn't even realize it. LOL.


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