Tuesday, September 25, 2012

Guest Post: There is more to soccer than balls and scoring..

The people.  The people are everywhere, infiltrating every Saturday morning soccer game.  As I am fascinated by most people, some of these folks…..

Well you'll see….

The people of Saturday morning soccer...That piss me off 
Guest Post by Ashley at Sorry Kid, Your Mom Doesn't Play Well With Others 

This weekend I went to my neice's soccer game. It was interesting to say the least. There were the homeless chic parents, the in betweens and the Jwow/Snooki wanna be's. Was I shocked that the Jwow/Snooki small town re-mix parented the kid who dressed like a thug? Not at all. People, jeans and a jacket are good. Club ready make up, heels and a beehive hairstyle holding up your ponytail is not. I will laugh at you, out loud, and in your face.

There were the overachieving Grandparents who stood in your way to keep an extra eye on their six year old grandchild, which to me sounds bazaar because my 3 year old can effectively make his own oatmeal and climb a tree. The fact she had to open his juice box tells me this kid probably lacks the skills to wipe his own ass. I hope that kid is homeschooled. Or they provide a diaper changing service in kindergarten.

I didn't get to see much of the game because of the asshats talking in front of me. Seriously, uncomfortably making up an excuse to decline an invitation for an after-game bbq trumps my ability to watch my neice the next state over play soccer? Yes, asshole I am talking to you. I did get to see a goal, see the coach yell at my neice although all the other kids were doing the same thing- this made my blood boil, and my neice play her position aggressively by pushing a boy into the goal net for overstepping his welcome in her box. That my friends made it almost worth it...

Then there was Eli... and his jack-off parents. This kid was a pain in my ass. He was hitting shit against the bleachers. Stomping on the bleachers and yelling for no reason whatsoever. It was annoying as fuck. His parents over and over told him to get off the bleachers. In that entire hour, not once did they physically go get him to let him know that shit is just plain rude, or look him in the eye. I heard the name Eli so many god damn times, if one of my kids wanted a friend with the name of Eli I would block their number and move, just so I don't have to hear that damn name again. Toward the end I removed my sunglasses and gave him the mom look. Little shit got the point he was annoying and hid behind his lax dip-shit mommy. I feel like this is the only discipline the kid has ever had. A look and the kid whimpered and hid? He is 4 probably 5, has he never heard of a time out or toy jail? Kid is deprived.

I later learned that Eli has 4 siblings. Four. They are all bad and lack parental guidance. I have 5, my kids act like jackasses at home but they know they better be on their best behavior in public because Momma don't take nooo shit in public. I had bad kids a few times and it turned into them being embarrased as all get out because the lady who pointed out my parenting flaws got every flaw of her appearance and bitchy attitude pointed out loudly, over the cash register speaker in the grocery store. True story- I couldn't return to that Schnuck's good thing they moved to a different town, or I'd be screwed.

 I can't forget Shit for brains concession lady. I ordered hot chocolate and coffee. Shit for brains mad coffee 3 times, everytime they came out with grounds. Seeing that this lady had a Starcucks and a McCaffee cup she doesn't make coffee at home. I asked if she remembered the filter. By the look on her face and the meek "yeah", she infact was hired out of pity. And yes, they are paid workers not parent volunteers- I am glad I live the next state over.

I am excstatic that my sister-in-law and her hubby are amongst the normal ones. Even though her hubs wore church clothes to "coach the bench". To his defense he didn't know and he had somewhere else to go later. But hometown Jwow had no such excuse...


  1. Replies
    1. Absolutely adore your honesty and frank assessment!! My kind of mom! Oh, and I want to hear more about this Schnuck's incident.

  2. That's it. I am forbidding my daughter to play soccer, it will be a foreign word to her. LOL

  3. I now have all three of the dogs lined up to stare at their wildly cackling 'Mom'. I'm SO glad my daughter is well past that stage!

  4. I am glad we do not play soccer! LOL. From these reviews of it I do not think we are missing out.

    1. Doesn't seem that way! The kids themselves are so cute running around playing herd ball but the parents leave much to be desired!

  5. My grandsons play soccer and I hear you! some of the kids and parents should be barred from the games.

  6. Ugh!! Jwow and Eli confirm the fact that I should never let my kids near that field!!


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