I broke my pinky toe today. Which isn't really funny, except for the circumstance surrounding the break is actually a little funny (or maybe pathetic is a more appropriate word). I was actually jumping up off the couch to go fix a broken link that I had posted earlier on Twitter, but I suck at doing important tasks on my iphone. So, I hopped off the couch like my ass was on fire because we all know that Twitter business is urgent and must be taken care of ASAP, but my pinky toe got caught on one of Peanut's teeny tiny little Adidas tennis shoes and SNAP! There went the toe. I know it's broken. It's shiny, stiff, and an odd shade of purplish/black. It's a good thing summer is over as it's not exactly looking very flip flop friendly at the moment.
Sadly this isn't the first toe i've broken from tripping over kids' crap. Several years ago I was trying to reach something off the top shelf of my oldest son's closet and I thought that using his Little Tikes shopping cart would make an excellent step stool. Not even 5 seconds later I was on the ground, holding my foot and screaming a string of obscenities that I wont repeat here because I don't tolerate that type of language on my blog. (That was a test to see who is really reading this and how well you know me, heehee).
Anyways, the last time I broke a toe the doctor didn't do anything for the toe at all and it ended up just being a waste of a co-payment, so today I decided to suck it up and take it like a….wait I refuse to say man here because i'm married to one and I know his threshold for pain is like a zero on the Richter scale (yes, I know Richter scales are for earthquakes and not pain but whatever). If it had been him who had the broken toe, he would've rolled around on the ground for an hour, ranting about how much pain he was in, complete with, "You don't understand how bad this hurts. You've never been in this much pain before". Yeah, you're right! I don't know what pain is! I guess those 8 lb babies I pushed out of my loins w/out any drugs were the equivalent of taking a nice, relaxing Hawaiian vacation! Silly me! Then I would have the pleasure of waiting on him hand and foot while he laid on the couch being a royal pain in my ass until he was "healed".
To further prove my point my husband was mortified by my decision to not go to the doctor. He keeps sending me texts from work saying, "I really think you should go to the doctor". Yeah, yeah, yeah. He even ended up coming home in the middle of the day because he "forgot something" but I think he really just wanted to spy on me. I hate it when my husband makes unannounced daytime visits. I feel like the nanny who got caught on the nanny cam masturbating with the child's Pillow Pet while the children are watching Family Guy in the other room. Busted! My husband gave me that disapproving, "I know you haven't done shit today" look. Gee, I don't know what could've given that away as I looked around at the piles of unwashed laundry exploding from our laundry room or the uneaten sandwich crusts still strewn all over the table from lunch or a wide open freezer door from one of Peanut's hit and run attacks on our fridge….sigh.
Right before he went back to work he insisted that I get off of my feet and lie down on the couch and put an ice pack on my foot. That lasted a whopping 5 minutes until my 4 y/o came running up to me and said, "Mom, come see what Peanut's doing". Yeah, that never ever ends well! So, I decided to get up and see what the damage was and I see Peanut crouched over on the counter like a raccoon eating dried up rice cereal that he had dumped out all over the counter, and he had a carton of raw EGGS sitting next to him! Holy hell! If I had waited just a minute longer my counter top (no, scratch that. My entire kitchen) would've become one Peanut sized omelette. This is why moms have no choice but to be tough as nails when they are sick or injured. Who else is going to do this shit?