Sunday, September 2, 2012

Stupid shit people say to large families

I hate the stupid shit that some people say to large families.  If you have 4 or more kids then i'm sure you've probably heard a few (or all) of these lovely little phrases.

Here are some comebacks you can say out loud if you're really brave or feel free to just keep them in your head if you prefer.

Stupid question/comment #1: You're Hands Must Be Full

Answer: No, my hands aren't full, but my ass sure is.  I guess it's all that stress from raising such a large family.  I can't seem to stop eating.

Stupid question/comment #2: Don't you know what birth control is? 

Answer: Yes, we hang your annual Christmas photo greeting card on our fridge and look at it before we have sex.  It's worked quite well.  We would've had a lot more than 5 kids if it weren't for your photos.  Please keep them coming!

Stupid question/comment #3: I don't know how you do it

Answer:  Great! I'll be dropping my kids off at your house at dinnertime.  You can keep them for a week and then the mystery will be solved!

Stupid question/comment #4: Are they all yours?

Answer:  No. I like to collect random kids.  I'm hoping TLC will eventually give me my own reality show.

Stupid question/comment #5: It must be crazy at your house

Answer:  Yeah, my husband is kind of a freak when he dresses up in his….oh wait you weren't talking about that kind of crazy.  Nevermind!

Stupid question/comment #6: You do know what causes this right?  

Answer:  No, I don't.  Can you explain it to me?  I'm a visual learner by the way so pictures work best.

Stupid question/comment #7: Are you having anymore?

Answer: I don't know.  My vagina isn't a Magic 8 ball.

Stupid question/comment #8: I can barely handle 2 kids, I can't imagine 5! 

Answer: Yeah, if I had your kids, I would've stopped at 2 also.

Stupid question/comment #9: Do they all have the same dad? 

Answer: No, some of them belong to your husband.  You'll be hearing from my attorney soon about how much child support he owes me.

Stupid question/comment #10: How can you afford all these kids?

Answer: We hit up random strangers for donations.  How much did you want to donate today?

Stupid question/comment #11: You're done right? 

Answer: Nope, i'll never be done having sex.

Stupid question/comment #12: I could never handle 5

Answer: Yeah, I don't think you could either (and then just leave it at that and let them ponder your answer for a while. It will drive them crazy).  

36 comments:

  1. LOL .. I would love to be there when those are actually said out loud!

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    1. Heehee, I haven't actually gotten the nerve yet, but I swear I WILL say these things at some point in my life, lol! Well, maybe not all of them, but at least one or two :)

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  2. OHMYWORD I LOVE YOU!!!! You hit every freaking thing. Every time i take the 5 out, it's ridiculous. It's not like they're deformed primordial dwarfs. They are just kids. Who generally behave. Ish. But still, mother F!!! Why do they feel free to say stupid crap?

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    1. I think we were twins separated at birth! LOL! I was reading your recent blog post today and holy cow we have a lot in common! I hope you will stick around!

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  3. LMAO!!! As the mother of 5 boys, I totally understand!! I love to see people's reactions when I they ask that questions, "You know how this happens, right?" and I say, "Yah, my husband and I are perfectionists....in the bedroom that is. Practice makes perfect!!" :) Hang in there - big families are awesome!!! I'm your newest follower from the blog hop! - Susan www.solesearchingmamma.com

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    1. I love hearing from fellow moms of 5 or more! I love your response, lol!!!! Thanks so much for stopping by!

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  4. I can't stop laughing!!!! You are seriously amazing, the mother of 5 and a freaking comedienne too!!!! Thanks for following us at craftyincrosby.com and I'm your newest follower. This almost makes me wish I had 5 kids too!!!

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    1. Thank you! I just left a comment on your blog as well :) I think my attempts at baking are over though (i'm not sure if you saw my post about baking a boxed cake mix but it was disastrous, lol). I hope you'll come back! New post coming tomorrow :)

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  5. Love this post...your newest follower! Thanks for satopping by today.
    Anissa from Chasing Hailey
    http://chasinghailey.blogspot.com/

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  6. I couldn't help but laugh with all your answers to those questions. At least you find humor in this. I don't have a kid but I totally understand what your saying because I came from a big family. Up to now, some people are still surprise that we're 6 in the family. All I can is that there is so much fun in numbers!

    Imee<3
    http://www.imeeseeshoes.blogspot.com/

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    1. Your blog is super cute! Ironically I only had one sibling growing up (and we aren't close), so I didn't know what it was like to grow up in a larger family. I actually envy my kids for getting to grow up with lots of siblings. They fight and argue, but they all really love each other :) I hope they will stay close when they grow up. Thanks for stopping by!

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  7. Awesome blog post! I have 4 kids and I have heard every one of these questions---and yea, they are all annoying!! Just wish I had the courage to answer them way you do!! Following you back from the GFC blog hop. Seriously, your blog is hilarious--we think alike, so I'll be back to read more! :-)

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    1. I hope you will come back! I will be posting again tomorrow (well it's after midnight so technically today, lol).

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  8. Newest follower from the GFC hop!!! Thanks for following me at Fiddle-Dee-Dee!!!

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  9. I only have one kid, but this post still made me laugh out loud!
    It really is amazing the things complete strangers will say to others!
    I'm stopping by from the GFC blog hop! Looking forward to following your posts!

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    1. Thank you so much! I just followed you back and left a comment about your adorable child! What a cutie!!!!

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  10. Participating in the MNB Hop for the first time!

    Please check out my blog, if you haven't already. (And follow back.)

    Kristina
    http://www.yomichaelmichael.com

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    1. Thanks for stopping by Kristina! Love the title of your blog! We are big Gabba fans :)

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  11. Back again to let you know I just added you to my new blog roll list--hope that is OK with you!!

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    1. That is totally okay with me! In fact I think it's awesome! Thanks for stopping by!

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  12. I get so sick of hearing the "your hands are full" comment. Kinda wish people would come up with something more original. Since we have had five boys, people always ask if we're going for a girl. Yes because that is the ONLY reason to have kids. (---- said with sarcasm. Great post!

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    1. Ugh, I hate that! Personally (and i'm sure i'll get a lot of crap for saying this), i'm a total boy momma at heart. I love my girls dearly, but my boys are total momma's boys and we have a really special bond. I'm personally a little jealous of moms with all boys. 5 boys would be totally awesome!!!!

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  13. The best reply I ever heard to the "Are they all yours?" question was "No, I work at a condom factory and these are all the rejects" Love it! (Fellow mom of 5, soon to be 6!)

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    1. LMAO!!!! That's brilliant! Love it!!!!

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  14. New follower! LOVE your blog! So interesting!!

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  15. #4, 8, and 10. lol. I come from a family of 9 kids. I heard so much negativity over it that at one point, I became embarrassed of my big family. Thankfully, I got over that, absolutely love my family, and hope to have a big family myself one day. :D

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    1. Thanks for the reply :) I really hope my kids will love their big, crazy family someday. I know they fight and bicker now, but I know they really do love each other.

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  16. so funny. i "only" have three, and i still get most of those comments. whenever someone asks if i'm having more i look at them funny and ask, dead serious, "what? wait? do you know... something?"

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    1. LOL! That's awesome! I got some of these comments after 3 kids too. People are so weird!

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  17. Dang, you make me wish I had more than 2 so I could use these! Especially "no, we like to collect random kids". I would totally say that.

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    1. I can help you out with that :) Which 2 kids of mine would you like?

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  18. LOL. This is so hilarious. I love the last one. I have to admit I have probably said at least one or more of these stupid comments. Oops!

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  19. As a mom of 7 you are so spot-on with this post! What is wrong with people anyway?? They just open their mouths and let the word vomit flow! When my kids were younger my BFF (who had 5 kids of her own) and I used to get together and take all the kids places. People would ask if we had a daycare....

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