Friday, August 24, 2012

Bandaids Peanutlayne Style

Today can only be described as one of those days where you're knee deep in the pits of hell and you find yourself asking, "WTF was I thinking having all these kids?"

Here are a few highlights from today:

*My 2 year old just took his diaper off and peed all over the floor.

*My 4 & 7 year old's are competing to win this year's title of Worst Behaved Heathen of 2012.  It's a really close competition and could go either way.

*My teens…do I even need examples for them?

Today is my daughter's 13th birthday and I feel bad that her day is filled with total chaos, but then again our days are always filled with chaos no matter what the occasion.   Although today is her actual birthday she is having two birthday parties on different days (one with my dad, and a sleep over next weekend which means I will pay you to let me sleep over at your house)!!!

We needed to drop an invitation off with her friend so I told her I would take her to Jamba Juice for a smoothie (I promise we have better things planned for her b-day tonight, lol).   Before we left I needed to shave my legs because I have 5 kids so that equals chronically unshaven Chia Pet legs.   Not having any time to shower, I propped my dry, flaky, "this chick really needs a tan" legs up on the counter and pulled out one of my new Dollar Tree razors (we're living large).   I might has well have shaved my legs with a cheese grater because that's what they looked like when I was through with them!

I'm on heparin right now because of a medical condition so of course my legs bled, and bled, and bled and by this point i'm thinking, "Shit am I going to need to call an ambulance because i'm a moron who dry shaves her legs on heparin?"   I tried unsuccessfully for about a half an hour with cotton swabs, tissue, ointments, but my legs would not stop bleeding.   One would think, "Duh, just use some bandaids genius".   Do you know how rare bandaids are in a house with 5 kids?   Bandaids might as well be treated like liquid gold in our house.  They just don't exist!

I was sitting on the toilet cutting little pieces of packing tape with child safety scissors and taping little patches of tape all over my legs and the funny thing is I didn't think anything of it.  I can't possibly be the only mom out there who does stuff like this, am I?

You're probably wondering if I went to Jamba Juice with little patches of packing tape all over my legs.       You bet your sweet a@@ I did!  My capri's covered the majority of the tape and this is Portland!  Anything goes here, including packaging tape on the legs.


17 comments:

  1. I think I need to move to Portland. You may as well have describing my legs. Cha-Cha-Cha-Chia. For. Sure. I haven't been able to shave because I recently fed St. Louis' entire mosquito population during a recent trip and my legs are still scabby. I'm so glad I am not alone in this my-kid-is-a-nightmare-and-I-look-like-hell situation.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You should totally move to Portland! I need more like-minded friends over here!

      Delete
  2. Replies
    1. LOL! No kidding! It's a miracle I even attempted to shave, lol! I should've just gone out with prickly legs. It probably would've looked less stupid than packaging tape all over my legs!

      Delete
  3. OMG, yes I have done that. And crap does that hurt! Try a styptic pencil (I steal it from my husband who uses it when he cuts himself shaving). I can not tell you how much it burns, but it stops the bleeding. I knew I liked you ... Portland ... that's Oregon? I'm from the coast (Astoria)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yay, a fellow Oregonian! I am in Portland, OR! I love the coast! I'm so sad we didn't make it over there this summer :(

      Delete
  4. Packing tape, genius. We never have bandaids and no one ever tells me until they're bleeding on the floor. I do, however, use those child safety scissors to cut my bangs!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I swear it seems like all I can ever find around this house is safety scissors, lol! I know we have real ones somewhere but I have no clue where they are hiding!

      Delete
  5. I have the worst time shaving. Even with water. Last time I did i sliced all the skin off my ankle bone still have a scar Thanks for the laughs.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Ouch! That sounds painful and totally something I would do, lol!

      Delete
  6. The absolute worst is bed-fuzz getting stuck to the hairs; gums up the razor.

    You get better, y'hear?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you Jacqueline! I greatly appreciate the mention on your blog! That was so nice of you :)

      Delete
  7. Stopping by from the Blog Hop! I am a horrible shaver and have only recently started not cutting myself every time! (knock on wood) I have two boys and we go through plenty of band-aides;I can't image how many 5 kids would go through. I stock up whenever they go on sale :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks for stopping by and commenting! I think where I go wrong with the Bandaids is I leave them where the kids can get into them and then they use them for art projects and invisible boo-boo's and then when we really need them, they are gone, lol!

      Delete
  8. LMAO!!!! You are too funny!! Love the blog! I see you stopped and returning the favor. I am a new follower and so glad that you found me!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you so much! I'm glad you found me too :)

      Delete
  9. Why can't the men be the ones to shave their legs? I'd rather have to spend 2 minutes shaving my face than 10 on my legs! ;)

    ReplyDelete