Last night I was awake all night with a horrible case of insomnia. After holding in a full bladder for what felt like an eternity (and to top it off I have a chronic, painful bladder condition called Interstitial Cystitis that makes holding in your urine difficult...not that you really wanted to know that, lol), I carefully snuck out of bed by strategically crawling over 3 small children without waking them up. If you've ever co-slept before then you know that crawling over sleeping children is like trying to climb over sleeping bears in a cave. YOU NEVER EVER WAKE THE BEARS!!!!!
After barely managing to climb over the kids without peeing on them, I sat down on the toilet to pee only to my horror to realize we were totally out of toilet paper and there were no napkins in sight. WTF? Who in the hell takes the last bit of toilet paper and doesn't replace it? It turns out we were out of extra rolls of toilet paper, but geez at least leave a girl some napkins or something! That's like leaving a big old nasty turd in the toilet without flushing it!
I frantically scanned the bathroom for something to wipe my lady parts with (personally we use the word cooch in our house but I was trying to tone it down a little. I just failed). Hmmm, I thought. It looks like my first choice is Clorox Toilet Wand Refills. Second choice my nice, plushy hand towel hanging on the rack. I went with choice number 2….duh, did you really think I was going to use a Clorox Toilet Wand Refill on my privates?! It turns out that towels make a fabulous alternative for toilet paper. They are soft, comfy and extremely absorbent. Just an FYI in case you find yourself in a similar situation, or you decide to cut back on your budget and want to save some money. No judgement from me!
After cleaning myself up my next thought was, "I should totally hang this towel back up on the rack. That'll teach those a@@holes to use the last bit of toilet paper", but then my second thought was, "Yeah but J uses those hand towels in the morning to wash his face before work. He'd be PISSED…literally, LMAO!!!!! ". Yeah a little too messed up and gross, even for us. So, I took the hand towel to the dirty laundry and went about my day. My husband is lucky that I love him, and that he didn't piss me off the day before :)