Saturday, August 18, 2012

My poop sandwich nominees

I know I didn't blog yesterday and I apologize as I do like to post something new everyday.  I seriously considered posting this last night, but it probably would've sounded like a bunch of screechy, ranty, I think this chick forgot her meds kind of a post so I decided to sleep on it.  Wise decision considering i've already deleted many things that were originally on the list, lol!

Yesterday was one of those blah days where things just didn't seem to go right.  Nothing really major happened, and things could've definitely gone much worse (for example I could've gotten in a car accident and ended up in the hospital wearing dirty underpants and sporting hairy, unshaven, Chia Pet legs).   As a stay at home mom to 5 kids, my patience is already tested on a regular basis so when i'm out in public rude, stupid and douchenozzely people just get under my skin and I find myself wanting to tell them to go eat a big old poopy covered sandwich.

So here it is….my list of nominees from yesterday who all deserve a poop sandwich: 

*People who come to a complete stop before turning.   It is possible to drive AND turn at the same time! 

*People who cut me off and then drive like a slug.  If you're in such a freaking hurry to pass me, then why are you suddenly driving 5 mph as soon as you pass? Are you trying to get me to go all "Towanda" on your ass? 

*Ex's who are thousands of dollars behind in child support.  

*Ex's who are thousands of dollars behind in child support and parade their new 19 year old girlfriend around your teenage kids.  Gross.

*The Kardashians.  Ok, so maybe I didn't run into them yesterday, but I still stand by my nomination.

*Insurance companies.

*Pharmacy techs who tell you that it could take up to 2 weeks for them to hear back from your insurance company and you will just have to wait to pick up your prescriptions.  I mean 2 weeks is a perfectly acceptable time frame to wait when you're in agonizing pain right?  

*The little girl at the McD's playground who kept slamming Peanut's fingers in the door (on purpose), even after I told her to stop.  

*The dickweed cashier at McD's who saw me standing up at the counter for at least 5 min (probably longer) but was too busy standing there staring at the wall to ask me if I needed help or even acknowledge my presence.  However, when a man came in several min after me and walked up to a different register, he then walks over to the man and says, "How can I help you?"   Foolish boy! Never ever ignore a mom standing at a counter armed and loaded with wiggling, kicking, obnoxious toddlers.  5 minutes might as well be 45 min in toddler time.   Don't blame me when my smiling, cooperative toddlers suddenly turn into spawn of satan.  If you had helped me when they were in a good mood, things would've gone much easier for you.   I'm sorry my toddler threw your nicely stacked cups onto the ground, and left a chewed up french fry on your counter.  Really I am.

*McD's once again for giving my kids the runs but putting the bathrooms on the complete opposite side of the restaurant from the playground.  Brilliant!  Obviously designed by another dickweed whom I guessing does not have small children.    

*And finally my husband who was sound asleep on the couch when I got home from my 3 hour hellacious road trip with 5 kids and had the nerve to say, "Can you keep the kids quiet. I'm taking a nap".  He might just be getting a poop sandwich for lunch AND dinner tomorrow night.  

*Wow, that felt good getting all of that out!  I just might have to make this a weekly or monthly post.   So who would you nominate to receive a poop sandwich? 

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