Thursday, August 16, 2012

My boys are not Mac compatible

We are a Mac/Apple loving family as in PC's are not even permitted inside our home.    It all started many years ago when my husband started film school.  Apparently (according to J) all of the cool people used Mac's in the film industry, so we made the switch and never looked back.  In fact the quickest way to get under my husband's skin is to mention "I've been thinking of getting a PC" and then watch the reaction.  Priceless!  I do agree that Apple products/Mac's are pretty darn cool.  My husband was telling one of his friends recently that they are super durable and you can do pretty much anything to them and they can handle it.   I nudged him in the side and said, "Well almost anything".

Here is where our story begins…..

Mac #1:  Before I start with my train wreck of a story, I need to add that Mac #1 was the most important Mac in our family.  J purchased this computer shortly before he first started college, and it was kind of his "baby".  He had all of his student projects on this computer, and we stored thousands and thousands of family pictures, from pregnancies to baby pics, holidays, wedding photos, etc. Basically our entire existence as a family lived inside Mac #1.

One morning when M was about 18 months old, he stumbled out of bed and headed downstairs.  I was already awake, but J was still asleep on the couch (no I didn't kick him out of our bed, but he got tired of getting kicked in the kidneys by little feet so he sometimes would sleep on the couch).    Before I could do anything, M pulled down his diaper and stood a couple of feet in front of the Mac tower and proceeded to urinate into the tower of Mac #1 (and he had fabulous aim too).   I watched in horror and screamed, "No, M STOP", but it was too late.   M had desecrated our beloved Mac.  Within a few seconds the screen turned black, the computer made a really awkward sound, and the whole thing shut down.  Not good at all.   I had so many ridiculous, panicky thoughts rushing through my head like, "Maybe I can just dump the urine out" so I pathetically lifted the heavy tower and tons of urine came pouring out.    However, Mac #1 was still dead.  Dead, dead, dead.    My next thought was, "OMG, I have to go wake up my sleeping husband and tell him the news".     I creeped up to my sleeping grizzly bear of a husband (who is not a morning person) and stammered, "Babe, so-so-something happened.  Something catastrophic".    I don't know how he knew but J immediately leaped off the couch and screamed, "What happened to my computer?"   I was in tears by this point and I had already relocated M safely into the witness protection program.   I stood by and watched helplessly as my husband ripped the cover of his beloved Mac tower, as urine dripped from the top.   He unplugged the computer, put it into the car, and drove off.    I paced around the house for what felt like an eternity waiting to hear the results.  It felt like a family member was in surgery and we were waiting to hear if they pulled through (okay maybe that's pushing it a little, but still it was pretty stressful).   J finally called and I could tell from the sound of his voice that it was a lost cause.  He said the people at the Apple repair store told him they couldn't even touch the computer without putting on full biohazard suits because it had "human bodily fluids on it".   It would've cost way too much to get it cleaned and there was no guarantee it would ever work again. We did manage to save our photos, but Mac #1 was unfortunately laid to rest.    I will say that we all laugh hysterically over Mac #1 now that 4 years have passed.  It's become a running joke among our friends and family that Macs are not "urine proof" and many friends love to tell the "Mac urinal story".   I actually have to give the kid props that he was smart enough to realize that he wasn't supposed to pee on my light beige carpeting, so he really did think he was doing a good thing by not peeing on the carpet.

Mac #2:  This story isn't nearly as entertaining, but basically we bought a second Mac for the kids to play their games on so we didn't have to share (we still had a working imac when Mac #1 was destroyed so at least we weren't computer-less).    I don't know how, but within a few days of M playing games on Mac #2, it mysteriously died.  Who knows? Maybe if someone did some digging they would find a chewed up Ritz cracker shoved inside the disc drive.

Iphone #1: This time it was my baby that was destroyed and it was our youngest son, "Peanut" who was the culprit.   I was running late and my iphone fell out of my pocket and onto the floor.  I just had to run into the bathroom one last time to grab something and I thought, "That's okay. I'll come right back and grab my phone in a second".    Within a few seconds, Peanut appeared in the doorway holding my iphone in his hand.   "Let me have…" I started to say when all of a sudden I see my iphone 4 go airborne.  It went over my shoulder and landed perfectly into the toilet.  Kerplunk.   Peanut is short, but that kid could just possibly have a future in the NBA with shots like that!  I screamed some obscenities (I honestly don't even remember which ones but there was a string of them).  I grabbed my phone out of the toilet and tried to dry it off.   That's when I heard the familiar sound of a fried computer shutting itself off.   Then the screen went black.  Dead, dead, dead….again!   Unfortunately I had no time to react.  I had to be somewhere in 45 minutes and it was an hour's drive.  I didn't have a way to tell my husband what had happened as he was still at work and we didn't have a home phone so our iphones were really our lifelines.  I remember feeling helpless as I drove without my precious phone (which was at home sitting in a bowl of rice).   When I got home, J immediately jumped all over me and was like, "Why haven't you answered any of my calls.  I thought you were dead!"  He obviously didn't see the iphone soaking in a rice bath.  What can I say my husband is super observant.

We dried the iphone in a bag of rice for 8 days and it still didn't work.  Luckily a local iphone repair shop was able to fix it for me and I didn't lose any info off of my phone, but it was costly.  $140 something dollars just for a quick dip in the toilet.

Iphone breakage #2:  It's been a year since Peanut threw my iphone into the toilet.  At first I wouldn't let him touch my phone with a ten foot pole, but I slowly loosened up over the months.  He loves to watch You Tube videos on my phone and who could deny such a cute little boy the privilege?  I should've known better.   Peanut got mad about something and threw my iphone across the room and it landed on the hardwood floor.  Now my ringer doesn't work at all.  The phone vibrates but that's it.  J has been teasing me non stop for letting the boys play with my phone.  I'm getting the "I told you so" that no wife likes to hear.   Plus, I just hate it when he's right.  What fun is that?

 There isn't much point to this post, except to say if you have boys and Apple products this could very well happen to you.   Oh and you might want to teach them the difference between a urinal and a computer tower :)

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