This post may make some people uncomfortable (unless you have children). If you have children then you are completely immune to any and all things uncomfortable.
My boys have had a mild stomach bug this past week (diarrhea, stomach cramps, but no barfing). I foolishly thought I was not going to catch said stomach bug but I was wrong. Dead wrong!
Last night after dinner I started to get that icky feeling in my stomach. I was already dealing with a terrible IC flare (will post about that later), so I was lying on the couch with an ice pack between my legs trying to de-swell my private parts (so incredibly sexy by the way) when my husband leans over and says, "So are you ready to have sex now?" Of course I gave him the "I'm going to kill you in your sleep" look and then we both cracked up. Yes, even with a chronic, painful health condition, we can somehow find the humor in it. I went to bed a few minutes later and was hoping when I woke up that my stomach would feel better. However, when I woke up this morning my intestines felt like they were twisted like a pretzel. I spent about 2 hours this morning with non stop diarrhea cramps, but without any actual diarrhea. After a good hour of not having any stomach cramps, I decided to head out to the grocery store as Mondays are typically my shopping day.
My first stop was McD's for a soda and a McChicken sandwich (brilliant idea when you have a stomach bug). However, I didn't even make it to the order box before the gut wrenching stomach cramps hit. Considering I was completely sandwiched in the line between two cars I had no choice but to remain in the drive thru. I held my breath and tried to breathe through the pain. I managed to squeak out my quick order and make it through the drive thru line. A smart person would've just headed back home, but I decided to head to the grocery store. I sat in my van in the parking lot of the grocery store eating my chicken sandwich when all of a sudden it hit me like a freight train! That horrible, terrible, awkward moment where you try to hold it in with all of your might, but you just have no control.
I pooped my pants.
Mortified and stunned I drove the couple of blocks home which felt like an eternity. I got out of the car and waddled into the house (I really hope my neighbors don't have a hidden camera pointed at our house). My teens were immediately like, "So what did you get us to eat?" I breezed right by them and was like, "Everybody out of my way. I had an accident". So of course the little kids start saying, "Accident! Mommy got into an accident? Are you okay mom?" It didn't take them long to realize what kind of accident I had as they peered out the window and saw our minivan completely unharmed. Next I hear my 7 year old daughter laughing and saying, "Mommy peed her pants. No wait, I think she pooped her pants". Nice. Did I laugh at them when they used to poop in their diapers all the time? Nope.
I took a nice warm bath, put on my PJ's and sent my husband a text that said, "Grocery shopping is on you tonight" which probably means we'll be dining on Kraft mac n cheese, along with some white rice covered in teriyaki sauce.
So whenever you think you had a bad day, just remember it could be much, much worse. You could've pooped your pants, while on your way to the grocery store all while wearing your favorite underwear. True story.