Monday, August 20, 2012

So you think you had a bad day?

This post may make some people uncomfortable (unless you have children).  If you have children then you are completely immune to any and all things uncomfortable.

My boys have had a mild stomach bug this past week (diarrhea, stomach cramps, but no barfing).   I foolishly thought I was not going to catch said stomach bug but I was wrong.  Dead wrong! 

Last night after dinner I started to get that icky feeling in my stomach.   I was already dealing with a terrible IC flare (will post about that later), so I was lying on the couch with an ice pack between my legs trying to de-swell my private parts (so incredibly sexy by the way) when my husband leans over and says, "So are you ready to have sex now?"   Of course I gave him the "I'm going to kill you in your sleep" look and then we both cracked up.  Yes, even with a chronic, painful health condition, we can somehow find the humor in it.  I went to bed a few minutes later and was hoping when I woke up that my stomach would feel better.   However, when I woke up this morning my intestines felt like they were twisted like a pretzel.   I spent about 2 hours this morning with non stop diarrhea cramps, but without any actual diarrhea.   After a good hour of not having any stomach cramps, I decided to head out to the grocery store as Mondays are typically my shopping day.    

My first stop was McD's for a soda and a McChicken sandwich (brilliant idea when you have a stomach bug).    However, I didn't even make it to the order box before the gut wrenching stomach cramps hit.  Considering I was completely sandwiched in the line between two cars I had no choice but to remain in the drive thru. I held my breath and tried to breathe through the pain.   I managed to squeak out my quick order and make it through the drive thru line.   A smart person would've just headed back home, but I decided to head to the grocery store.   I sat in my van in the parking lot of the grocery store eating my chicken sandwich when all of a sudden it hit me like a freight train!   That horrible, terrible, awkward moment where you try to hold it in with all of your might, but you just have no control.   

I pooped my pants.  

Mortified and stunned I drove the couple of blocks home which felt like an eternity.  I got out of the car and waddled into the house (I really hope my neighbors don't have a hidden camera pointed at our house).  My teens were immediately like, "So what did you get us to eat?"   I breezed right by them and was like, "Everybody out of my way.  I had an accident".   So of course the little kids start saying, "Accident!  Mommy got into an accident?  Are you okay mom?"   It didn't take them long to realize what kind of accident I had as they peered out the window and saw our minivan completely unharmed.  Next I hear my 7 year old daughter laughing and saying, "Mommy peed her pants.  No wait, I think she pooped her pants".  Nice.  Did I laugh at them when they used to poop in their diapers all the time?  Nope.  

I took a nice warm bath, put on my PJ's and sent my husband a text that said, "Grocery shopping is on you tonight" which probably means we'll be dining on Kraft mac n cheese, along with some white rice covered in teriyaki sauce.  

So whenever you think you had a bad day, just remember it could be much, much worse.  You could've pooped your pants, while on your way to the grocery store all while wearing your favorite underwear.  True story. 







10 comments:

  1. Hello, from Millbrook NY, I am lol right now- not at you but about poop in your pants. That happened to me about 34 yrs ago it was the beginning of a great marriage. I told my husband to get me home, or I am going to poop my pants and guess what it happened. Did the same shower and Pj's.Hugs to you, Anna.

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  2. This happened to the hubs last week, we were at the park and he just left... We walked home to find him hosing the side of the yard, he literally crapped in the yard right in front of the neighbors window (btw we moved in a few months ago) and anyone who can be that real has gained a follower :)

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  3. Oh I feel for you. I am blessed or cursed with very active bowls. So there have been several incidences in my life I am not proud of I have gone to the bathroom in my own back yard because I was locked out! Feel better

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  4. I have Ulcerative Colitis and IBD, and Celiac. The Trifecta! I have been there, and completely feel your pain, the one in your guts, and the emotional toll as well. I have pooped my pants in public, on the fronts steps, and many times at home. The kids always think it's just hilarious. The worst time was at work one day. But I was SO lucky! I worked literally across the street and down a ways from my house. It happened, and I RAN across the street and into my house, cleaned up, changed and came back, and NO ONE noticed. And if they had, I would have died, just died right there because it was very bad that time.

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  5. Ugh, I'm trying to reply to all of you individually but our internet connection stinks and i'm getting the spinning wheel of death! Freaking Comcast! Thank you ladies so much for visiting my blog and sharing your stories! I'm glad to hear i'm not alone in losing control of my bodily functions, lol!

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  6. Thanks for sharing a great laugh. I can only imagine how awful that would be. I hope your kids let you live it down, and that you feel better soon.

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  7. Thanks so much! Following your blog now :)

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  8. Oh, you poor thing. I am dying laughing, of course. But, that's how we survive -- going for the laugh!

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  9. OH MY GAWD.
    I cant stop laughing.
    Does that make me a bad friend?
    Oh please say we can be friends.
    Because I am totally in love with you now.
    Because I would do exactly the same thing.
    Made my night.
    Sorry at your expense.

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  10. I think grown ups pooping their pants is so superly duperly funny. Except when it's me. Not that I've ever done that. Not even three times.

    Mad props to you for having the balls to blog about it! Thanks for the laugh!

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