Guest Post by Diapers…or Wine?
But back to it, one of the reasons i totally loved Peanut Layne's blog since i found it was because we both have 5 kids. In my circles, this isn't very common, and is often met with cold stares, loud comments, and the occasional, "Oh GOD BLESS YOU". If I was my Mom (i'm one of 6), i would say very sweetly, "He already has". This always shuts people up. Usually though, I’m like, "It's more fun than it looks. I realize we look insane. It's FUN OK". And that is while 2 are fighting, one is crying for boob (oooh, do i sense a theme for the post?), one is texting, and another one is brushing her red curls into a huge static mess and i am sweating profusely.
Another thing Mrs Peanut Layne and i have in common? We both have boob monsters. No, this is not an STD. It's not an affectionate name for our husbands. This would be our youngest children.
I go from thinking, "aww, this is so sweet, i'm so thankful that she needs me and is comforted", to, "MOTHER F GET OFF- GET OFF - GET OFF!!!". My husband has given up all hope of getting "his" boobs back. He did try to find me ideas and helpful tips on weaning. But i don't want to put bad tasting liquid on my nipples. They aren't THUMBS. They are my nipples. Nope. I'm good. We'll figure it out. Please Jesus, help us figure it out.
I'm going to branch out and say Peanut & i have both heard it all. Gotten "helpful tips" from strangers or friends on stopping. "You just STOP". "Show them who is boss". "Don't you miss sleep". I just did a huge sigh as i wrote that. We know, people. We know. Yes, we miss sleep. Yes, it would be lovely to live in your magical little world, where you just show small children who is boss, and STOP. But we are kinda stuck in a zone right now where making the screaming stop means boobs. Getting ANY sleep means boobs. Fixing the boo-boo probably means boobs. Yes, sleeping through a night would be awesome. I haven't done that in over 2 years. But i also know my toddler. This little girl screamed for 6 hours, 3 nights in a row when we tried a certain method. And guess what else, she didn't catch up on that sleep she didn't get. Nope. She is the undead. She does not require sleep, unless it is accompanied by a warm boob.
Sure, i'd like to be done with this. Sure, i would REALLY like if she didn't grab her blanket, and start yelling, "Boob, Mom! Boob!" in public. But...this is where we're at.
My husband and i had another talk about trying to wean her, and he - not me - got all choked up when he said, "What will she think is happening when you say no and won't let her?"...so i'm screwed, kids. Mommy will be doing this until she maybe gets peer pressure from her friends that it's weird.
So, just a helpful tip...if you see someone nursing a toddler, just give them a bottle of wine. Just kidding (no, i'm not, seriously get them one). Give a smile. A nod. Something. But maybe don't give helpful tips unless they were asked for. Because we're doing what we gotta do right now. We aren't giving you helpful tips on stuff we don't understand. We're just surviving. And someday, when it's all over, probably we will remember it fondly. I don't believe that last sentence right now, but someday...