Tuesday, February 26, 2013

May I have your attention please?

I have a huge, ginormous, earth shattering announcement to make!  I'm really a man.  No, i'm not.  But I have been told I have man hands.  OK, moving on….

I'm going to be a published author in a kick ass anthology called, I Just Want To Pee Alone!  A couple of months ago I was contacted by a famous blogger by the name of Jen (i'll give you a clue, she likes to punch people in the throat), about writing an essay for an upcoming anthology about finding the humor in motherhood, so I did, and I actually made it in!  I promise i'll be sharing a lot more details about the book as the release date gets closer.  I can tell you that it will be available this spring and you can buy it on Amazon, Kindle, Nook, and ipad.

Without sounding like too much of a douchenozzle, I have to say i'm so proud to be included in this book with such an amazing group of bloggers!  It hasn't even been a full year since I re-launched Life on Peanut Layne.  I wasn't expecting much when I started my quirky little blog.  Heck, if 30 people read my blog in the beginning, I was jumping up and down.  I'm blown away by the number of people who read my blog today. To every single person out there who has ever clicked on my blog, thank you!  Even if you clicked on me and hated me, I still thank you for even taking the time to click on my blog.

This is the actual cover of the book. Pretty awesome huh?
 I was going to save this story for my one year blog anniversary, but I figured this occasion was a more appropriate time to share.  For those wondering how I got here, let me tell you a little bit more about myself. When I was a kid, I dreamed of being a writer.  In elementary school I was one of the only students at my school selected to go to a local writing conference. The best part was that I got to miss an entire day of school and share my story with a group of other "authors".  I thought I was the shit. Oh boy, did I ever!  I had a writing notebook filled with potential stories.  I was going to be the next Judy Blume or Ann M. Martin.  I was a huge book nerd and instead of going to lunch or recess like a normal kid, I would hide in the library and read during my breaks.  I wish I had time to actually read a book today, but with 5 kids i'm lucky if I have time to read the inserts that accompany a new prescription.

In high school I signed up for a beginners journalism class.  I figured I had this class in the bag, considering I was a gifted writer who attended a conference in elementary school.  Boy was my first assignment a rude awakening when I wrote an opinion piece on a news article!  EEEEK! I have never seen so many red circles, lines and notes on one assignment!  I didn't exactly make a great first impression with the journalism teacher (in fact i'm pretty sure she thought I was a moron), but I re-grouped, did some research on how to actually write a proper news article, and my next article about students dealing with diabetes was a smashing success.  I ended up spending two years in journalism.  A few days before I graduated my journalism teacher slipped me a note that said, "I hope you'll never stop writing.  You are destined to be a writer".

Unfortunately for me my life took an unexpected turn after high school, and my college dreams were put on hold.  By the time I did manage to enroll in college I wanted to be a nurse (bear with me here).  I signed up for several communications classes which were required to get into the nursing program.  For our first speech we had to give a 5 minute introduction speech. It could be about any topic we wanted.  I hate public speaking as i'm dreadfully shy.  Most of the intro speeches were painful to sit through.  People talking about themselves or things they were interested in like which stereo speakers they preferred or basic web design...yawn!  As for me?  I spoke about what I knew best…raising kids!  I wrote a short, humorous speech on the "10 Things I Learned About Parenthood".  I wish I would've saved a copy of it, but unfortunately it's stuck on a floppy disk somewhere (lost in a technology time warp).  I wasn't expecting much, but within just a few seconds of my speech the other students were literally laughing out loud.  In fact they were laughing so hard that I had to shout over the roar of the crowd.  They freaking loved my speech!  I guess it's pretty entertaining to hear that kids can eat Glade Plug In's and still survive.  After class my professor pulled me aside to talk to me.  Worried that maybe I crossed the line with my speech, I was shocked when he proceeded to ask me questions about my future.  He asked what I was going to school for.  I told him "nursing".  He wrinkled up his face and said, "No way! You've really got something.  You were made for the entertainment industry.  You need to be a stand up comedian.  Don't waste your talents. Nursing is not for you".

Everything he said profoundly impacted me, but it didn't change anything.  I proceeded with the medical program and eventually completed a Medical Assisting w/X-Ray Tech degree, but I was miserable.  I hated every single moment of it.  Don't get me wrong! I'm so thankful that there are people out there who love it, because there are dipshits like myself who put a catheter in the wrong hole and need your help, so thank you for doing the job that you do!  It just wasn't for me.

So here I am, not exactly a stand up comedian, but a humorist blogger following my dreams.  Dreams that got derailed but never forgotten.

I will be sharing all of the contributors in this amazing book at some point so please check out my Facebook page for daily updates: http://www.facebook.com/LifeOnPeanutLayne.

Here are just a few of the talented contributors that probably need no introduction from little old me:

People I Want to Punch in the Throat

Baby Sideburns

Bad Parenting Moments

You Know It Happens At Your House Too


  1. YAY! That is so awesome!!! Also. "Douchenozzle" is greatness.

  2. I'm so excited for you. Dreams sometimes take longer than expected but they CAN come true. Can't wait to get my hands (OK, my Kindle) on that book!

  3. What a great story! I love the part about your Com class. It's too bad you can't find that speech!

  4. That is AMAZING! Congratulations!!

    (¸¤ Lanaya | xoxo

  5. Congratulations! That's wonderful and your writing? Yup, you definitely have something there as the professor said.

  6. I love your story, i have loved getting to know you, and i hope you make it big and make the big bucks like you totally one million percent deserve! Congratulations! This is a HUGE HUGE HUGE deal!

  7. Love this! My journalism classes were brutal. I had one teacher write a giant red NO across one of my assignments. Um...ok.... Excited to be a part of this with you!!!!

  8. Congratulations!! Like Miss SDP, I have really enjoyed reading your blog and laughing with you and at your family! You are brilliant and your teacher(s) were right! "I hope you'll never stop writing. You are destined to be a writer".

  9. Wow, that's awesome! Congratulations!

  10. Congratulations!! Wonderful that you are following your heart :)

  11. Hey Man Hands, I totally want to hug your journalism teacher right now. This post was awesome! Congrats on inclusion in the book! So many funny women in one place! Well deserved!

  12. Congratulations! I'm going to make my daughter (who is struggling with a career decision) read this. I look forward to reading this book!

  13. I absolutely cannot WAIT to read your essay in the book! YAY!!!
    I love it that your Communications professor saw your talent shining through...but not a bit surprised! You are in your element writing!! :)


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