Monday, February 18, 2013

I'm Floored: Guest Post by The Insomniac's Dream

I'm Floored

Hi folks. This is the amazeballs and ever tired Sleepy Bard from The Insomniacs Dream. When I heard about Peanut and her struggles, my heart went out to her, and I wanted to do whatever I could to help. Goddess knows, this community of bloggers has done so much for me when I was down. That's what we do, folks, us bloggy friends, us tweeps, we support each other. The blogosphere is an amazing place full of lots of awesomesauce writers and great friends. I wanted to give back, and so here I am Guest Posting. I wrote this piece a few weeks ago, and it was put on hold while I had my own struggles and wrote my way through them. What better place for it, then here at Life on Peanut Layne.

Since I began writing a blog I have brought you, readers, on a journey. Through a winding path we have laughed together, we have cried together. I have shared a lot of the twists and turns of my life with you. I like to call my blog a humor blog, but life isn't always funny.

You know I can be funny, you've shared some of my heartache and life changing moments with me, and recently, as a Guest Poster on (parenthetical asides) I shared another side of myself and came clean about my struggles with depression in (the only redemption is . . . ).

It's been a fun ride, and we aren't done yet! Today, I'm going to share some more of my crazy with you.

I don't like furniture. I loathe sitting on anything that is appropriate for sitting upon. When I worked, I would sit on my desk to talk to people, and on tables to talk to the clients in our day program. Even as far back as when I worked in a nursing home, I sat on tables, even at meetings!

At home, I sit on the kitchen counters, the coffee table, and even sitting here at my computer I'm on a foot stool.

Outside, I'll sit on anything but a chair. Is there a car around to sit on? A ledge? A wall or a fence? Then I'm on it. (No pun intended. I'm not currently on the fence about anything. I am assured of where I'm going in life for the first time in a long time.)

I'll sit on anything else but never furniture.

I especially love the floor (or the ground if I'm outside). I hope I never get so old and crickety I can't sit on the floor criss-cross applesauce. It's my fave.

I could be in a living full of furniture and if I'm not plopped on the coffee table or a foot stool, I'm on the floor. Sometimes I sit on the kitchen floor, leaned up against the cabinets to text and Tweet.

I also enjoy lying on floors. So much so that different floors have come to mean different things to me, evoke different emotions, and invite different activities. I am going to share with you folks what different floors are for.

We'll start with the bathroom floor. This is the floor to sit on when you are hiding out from your children. Take a cup of coffee and your smart phone in there with you, shut the door and lock it, and boom you've got privacy for at least a good hour. (You have to convince your children at a very young age it takes an hour to go #2)

This is also the floor for sex. If you've tried having steamy, romantic shower sex you have probably realized that it's just not what the movies make it out to be. In actuality it's clumsy and awkward. One of you is nearly drowning under the water, the other one is out of the water and freezing. There's height differences to deal with, shampoo bottles falling on you, you're slipping and sliding around, and things are poking you that aren't supposed to be poking you. This is when you throw a towel down on the bathroom floor and get to it. It's still steamy, I promise.

Bathroom floors are also places to have conversations with your girlfriends when you're hiding out from the prying ears of children and/or husbands. Lock yourselves in, turn on the fan, and don't forget the wine! If you have enough wine you and said friend can do drunken bathroom Yoga together.

I've had so many phone conversations sitting on that bathroom floor. It's the one room in the house you can go in and shut the door and everyone respects your privacy.

This is the floor where you camp out with a blanket and a pillow when you are just too sick to lay anywhere else. Tired of the trek to the bathroom every five minutes to puke? Just bring in your bedding and settle in for the night, the toilet is right there! Stay for however long it takes until you are better again.

Have a friend who drank too much and needs to vomit? Are you the one vomiting? Again, a great place to gather with friends. You can comfort and console the drunk, and then either sit or lie on the floor together and re-connect your friendship. (Lt. BFF if you're reading this, this is our place.)

Now we move to the kitchen/dining room floor. A great place to sit with your morning cup of coffee, propped against the counters with your smart phone or a good book.

This is the floor for art protects, big and small, Lego constructions, and army men battles. A place to gather with the kids or some friends and play a board or a card game.  (I can' play games at a table. That requires sitting in a chair.)

The dining room floor is a nice place to picnic with the kids.

I've written in my journals while sitting or lying on my kitchen floor.

This is the floor I lie on to cry when I'm heartbroken and nothing seems like it will ever be alright again. I'm not entirely sure of the reasoning behind this, or when it ever started, but when I'm done, just done, and can't take it anymore, I take it to my kitchen floor. Many of my tears have fallen on those tiles.

The kitchen floor is where I find myself, time and again, sitting in a circle with my friends, wine in hand, laughing at our stories. Kitchens are a place to congregate, we just take to the floor criss-cross applesauce.

Crazy Girl and I lie on this floor together to talk sometimes.

This is also the floor to sleep on when you've imbibed too much. Under the kitchen table is an awesome place to sleep off a drunk. (And I mean pre-children or when they are away of course.)

Also the floor for playing with cats, or lying with them to snuggle and love.

Next on my list is the living room floor. I love the living room floor! I sit there with my snacks and/or lunches to read my books. I lean against the chair, but never sit in it. This is the same spot that I use for writing in journals (when I'm not on the kitchen floor).

The living room floor is also great to gather with friends for games, or to play with the kiddos and their toys.

I absolutely love to camp out on the living room floor!  Bring out tons of blankets and pillows and you can lay on the floor all night for a movie or Netflix marathon. Make a night out of it with the kids and picnic on the makeshift bed, then cuddle in for movies and slumber together.

I had a stint of my life where I could only  sleep on the living room floor. Every night I'd drag out all the bedding, make my spot and lie there to watch TV until I fell out.

Camping out with a significant other in this fashion can be very romantic. Whether your're watching movies, or having sexy times, it's good  times. Build a fort if you're so inclined and bring out the lanterns or light the candles.

Finally, we move to the bedroom floor.

Obviously the floor for sex. Whether you intend to be there or roll right off the bed during vigorous sexy time.

Another floor that's great for sleeping off a drunk. If you just can't make it to bed, fuck it and lay on the floor. There's no judgement here.

This is the floor that loves to gather laundry, shoes, and other clutter, so I don't use it for much.

As much as I loathe furniture I do so love my bed. I love my bed too much sometimes.

I tend to force myself not to hang out in the bedroom unless its sleepy time, or I'm not so inclined to lock myself in the bathroom to talk on the phone, and wish to lie in my bed instead.

I enjoy the floor (and other weird surfaces) so much more than furniture. Am I the only girl in the world who's having this lifelong love affair with the floor?


  1. I do get your thing about floors. For me it started around college, when I found out that if, on the weekends, I put myself onto the floor, it worked out better than falling onto it later.

  2. I feel so sad for people with skinny butts, who can't sit on a floor or a sidewalk.

  3. weird...i dig floors too, for anll of those reasons. I write in the middle of our living room floor sometimes. I'm very fidgety, anxious, and OCD, so the floor is a good place for me to move around.

  4. LOL!! I do love sitting on the floor more than sitting on a huge, squishy sofa, to tell you the truth!!


Note: Only a member of this blog may post a comment.